In early 2019, we received the joyful news that we were expecting our first baby. Later that year, we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Elva, into the world. From the very beginning, she has been our sunshine baby—a bright light in our family and one of God’s greatest blessings. Beautiful, silly, adventurous, thoughtful, intelligent, and athletic are just a few words that describe our now responsible and compassionate six-year-old.
Ironically, I later learned that the term sunshine baby is also used to describe a child born before pregnancy or infant loss. At the time, we had no idea how deeply that definition would one day resonate with our family.
Excited to Become a Big Sister
In 2021, we eagerly anticipated the arrival of our second child. Elva was thrilled to become a big sister. We read countless books about welcoming a new baby, and she eagerly helped prepare the nursery and organize supplies for her baby brother.
Our pregnancy was healthy, and every expectation pointed toward bringing home a healthy baby.
Instead, five days after his due date, our son Keanu was born sleeping. A difficult labor became an emergency cesarean section, and by the time we held him in our arms, an unexpected infection had already taken his life.
Our hearts were shattered.
Children Grieve More Than We Realize
Many people assume young children are too little to understand loss. We quickly learned that grief has no age requirement.
At only two years old, Elva understood that something had changed. She had eagerly waited to meet her baby brother. She met him in the hospital, but then he never came home. Slowly, his belongings disappeared from our home. Mommy cried often. Daddy wasn’t himself anymore.
She repeatedly asked,
“Where is my brother?”
We gently answered,
“Remember? He’s in Heaven.”
Her innocent response broke our hearts every time.
“Let’s go to Heaven and see him.”
Those conversations happened again and again as we tried to explain something we were still struggling to understand ourselves.
Learning to Grieve Together
We did everything we could to help our daughter process her grief.
We read children’s books about sibling loss and Heaven. We looked through photos of Keanu together. We talked about him often. We cried together.
While we were learning to carry our own grief, we experienced two miscarriages over the next two years. We tried to shield Elva from that pain, but children often notice more than adults realize.
She knew Mommy had gone to the hospital.
She knew something wasn’t right.
Her fears surrounding babies and hospitals resurfaced each time.
Questions Without Easy Answers
During bedtime prayers, Elva faithfully asked God to give hugs and kisses to Keanu.
Unable to leave out the babies we had miscarried, I quietly added Selah and Noah to our prayers. Eventually she realized they were also her siblings and began asking difficult questions.
Questions like:
- Why couldn’t we keep them?
- Will I meet them someday?
- Why did God take them?
Many of those questions simply didn’t have answers we could give.
Instead, we trusted God together while continuing to honor each child’s memory.
Welcoming Hope Again
In 2024, God blessed us with a healthy pregnancy and our precious baby girl.
Finally, Elva became the big sister she had dreamed of being for more than three years.
Although her joy was overwhelming, she still carried deep grief for the siblings she never got to grow up with. The excitement of welcoming a baby home also reminded her of the babies who never came home.
As both her mother and a social worker, I recognized she needed additional support.
Why Professional Grief Counseling Matters
We connected Elva with an incredible therapist through a local counseling agency. Thanks to a First Responders Foundation grant, twelve counseling sessions were fully covered.
Those sessions became life-changing.
We watched emotional meltdowns become less frequent. She developed healthy coping skills, learned to identify her emotions, and found safe ways to express her grief.
For the first time in years, we could see genuine healing taking place.
Another Unexpected Goodbye
Just as therapy was ending, life changed once again.
When we discovered we were expecting another baby, excitement returned cautiously. Before we could even confirm the pregnancy, Elva confidently announced she knew she was getting another little brother.
Sadly, additional testing revealed serious medical concerns. Our baby boy had a giant omphalocele along with numerous other complications.
We loved him deeply and prepared ourselves to care for him regardless of what the future held.
As the pregnancy progressed, however, his growth slowed dramatically due to severe placental and umbilical cord complications.
At just 32 weeks and 2 days, our precious son Jude entered Heaven.
After delivery, testing confirmed Full Trisomy 18.
Once again, our family faced unimaginable grief.
Protecting Our Sunshine Girl
More than anything, we worried about Elva.
She had already endured the loss of three siblings, two miscarriages, beloved pets, and extended family members. We feared her young heart couldn’t withstand another devastating loss.
Still, the Holy Spirit continually reminded us that our children belonged to God first.
Even when we couldn’t understand His plan, He remained faithful.
God’s Provision Through the Marcus Oliver Foundation
We prayed that somehow Elva could continue receiving counseling despite our insurance limitations.
God answered that prayer.
Her therapist successfully secured an additional six counseling sessions through the First Responders Foundation. As those sessions came to an end, we learned about the Marcus Oliver Foundation.
For our family, this was especially meaningful because we personally knew and loved Pastor Marcus.
Through the Foundation, our daughter can continue receiving the grief counseling she so desperately needs as she navigates loss, healing, and hope.
A Message to Families Walking Through Grief
If your child is grieving the loss of a sibling, miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss, please know you are not alone.
Children experience grief differently than adults, but their pain is real. Early support, compassionate counseling, and open conversations can make an incredible difference in their healing journey.
Our family is forever grateful to every donor, volunteer, and supporter of the Marcus Oliver Foundation. Because of your generosity, families like ours have access to life-changing counseling and the hope needed to move forward one step at a time.
May God richly bless each of you for caring for the brokenhearted and helping children find healing after unimaginable loss.
